2001-11-06

Pathos

Sorry for being a drag, chickens. OK, so sometimes I admit to being a "musician." I admit to this only when I achieve fuck-all as a writer.

Like tonight. Can't whelp nothing. I strain and strain and achieve little more than a few tired sentences.

I feel as though I have enough "cred" to label myself as a "musician," I mean, I've had guitar lessons since I was ten, and studied classical guitar for four years. For the last three years, I've been playing drums.

Seriously? It's not at all how I indentify myself. Musicians are totally alien creatures to me.

The houseboy baffles me. He plays guitar, and banjo for that matter, with the ease and comfort of someone who was just born to do it. It infuriates me, sometimes, that I've spent years upon years and umpteen hundred dollars to "learn" something that comes so fucking naturally to some of the most important people in my life.

I hate being a writer. I would much rather be a musician.

Maybe it's just as difficult to be a "musician." I don't know. I 've known that I've wanted to be "a writer" since I was five years old, but it seems like three-quarters of my time has been spent trying to avoid what I see as the most horrid, insipid, value-less calling since ...fuck it, I don't even know. Any one who tells you that writing is a noble pursuit , as far as I'm concerned, has huffed one too many solvents under the kitchen sink.

lisamcc at 7:52 p.m.

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